was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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