dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
