Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Randomize
