This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He better not be in your backpack
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
