take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
