I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
