smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
