Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
