I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
