God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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