I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
