my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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