Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
