Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
