would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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