I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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