Too much gin, very little bucket
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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