I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
