Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
