So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
