you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
