I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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