Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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