why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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