Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
3 2 1 whiskey
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
