the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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