Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
