So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
