Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize