Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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