hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We are two peas in an std pod
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
They took my balls.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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