If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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