Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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