so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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