the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
