Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Randomize
