We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
