i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
