True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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