the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he wants to bone in the snuggie
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
