is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
