I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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