To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
