it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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