3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
