I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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