you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
