I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
