ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
