he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize