I could make wine with my vomit
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
