wake up i wanna do it froggy style
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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