I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
