Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
There r osticjed everywhere
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
