dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
