I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
