I can text with my tongue
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
