Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i would punch a child for taco bell
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
