My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
