my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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