oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
