Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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