Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
