I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
