my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
