Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Randomize