If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
