She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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