Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Blood and glitter go together right?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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