She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize