I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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