It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize