you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
