dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
