Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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