Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
