i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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