i would punch a child for taco bell
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
