Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I want her autograph on my taint
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
