My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
