Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
