apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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