i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Randomize
