Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
