Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
