you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Randomize
