forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
