If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
