And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
