she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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