now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
