For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
i need some magic done to my vagina
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
