I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
