peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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