will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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