It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize