Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
