Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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