and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
