Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize