I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
