So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
ttyl tear gas
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
