he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
