You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Congratulations! We have a period
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