They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
