I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
