ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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