Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
