I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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