trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My vagina just recognized that song.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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