I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
